


Who’s Winning This Relationship, Anyway?

by Scattyuk



Category: Press Gang
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 17:29:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19795615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scattyuk/pseuds/Scattyuk
Summary: Emma was 8 when she realised that no one else’s dad called their mum “boss”. And that it was maybe odd that Uncle Kenny did too...Spike and Lynda 20 years on...





	Who’s Winning This Relationship, Anyway?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired after rewatching Press Gang boxset, when I wondered what Spike and Lynda would be like as a married couple with kids. Set in 2009. I reckon Lynda is editor of the New Statesman and Spike has his own show on talk radio...

  
Emma was 8 when she realised that no one else’s dad called their mum “boss”. And that it was maybe odd that Uncle Kenny did too, because he didn’t work for Mum. He didn’t work for anyone really, although he sometimes seemed to have to do what ‘those idiots at Sony’ expected. And sometimes other people came to visit and they would laugh and call Mum boss but they definitely didn’t work for her because everyone who worked in her magazine called her Chief.

Her friend Chloe said Emma’s parents had neuroses, which meant worrying about things too much. Like how Mum was scared of open fires, and Dad was scared of small spaces, and how they argued every morning, even though she saw them smiling into each other’s eyes and cuddling when they thought no one was watching. And Chloe said that Emma’s dad must have Father Issues because they’d never even seen a picture of her American grandad, even though they never saw her not-actually-American gran either and she was at least still alive. Emma sometimes thought that Chloe talked poop, which is what Kenny said all the time. Not cool Uncle Kenny, annoying little brother Kenny. But he wasn’t always wrong, even if he was always annoying.

There’d been a big fight this morning. Dad had interviewed that David Cameron person on his radio show, and Mum had got angry because he was “far more dangerous than anyone realises and the last thing this country needs is you making him seem cool and down with the kids.”

And Dad had laughed and said lucky for him this wasn’t his country and then mum had snapped, “You’ve lived here for twenty five years, Spike, and you’re a naturalised bloody citizen! The only reason you’ve still got an accent is cos you keep it on purpose!”

“Now listen here, Lynda,” Dad had said, getting properly annoyed, “you had a three page feature on him when he got elected leader, with interview and stylish goddamned photo shoot.”

“We’re a _political magazine_. And _we_ put him in proper context. The only kind of context your editor understands is how bad the weather is at Glastonbury!”

Emma had heard the teachers at school saying there’d be an election next year and a small knot of anxiety curled in her guts as she remembered Uncle Kenny saying Mum and Dad had only got through the last election still married because Mum had just had the baby and had been all “soft and soppy and not _at all_ normal.”

“You know what your problem is,” Dad said, pointing his spoon at Mum across the table, “you’ve had the hots for Nick Clegg ever since that garden party Sarah got us into last year and you’re biased.”

Mum looked pretty outraged, and Emma was sure there was some rule about how she was supposed to not be too nice about any politician in particular in her magazine, so maybe that was why. “I do _not_ have the hots for Nick bloody Clegg! I’ve got enough of a smooth-talking showman on my hands already. I may have said that I wouldn’t mind marrying Vince Cable’s brain if you ever chucked me over, but you know perfectly well I’d had three glasses of champagne and anyway I was only talking about his astute economic analysis!”

“Well great,” Dad drawled. “Good to know I’m the better alternative to long lectures on the stock market. I mean, I guess I’m lucky you never married Colin instead!” Mum opened her mouth to say something back but then gritted her teeth and rolled her eyes and picked up annoying-brother-Kenny’s empty bowl and went to sling it into the sink. Dad watched her with his lips pursed and then said, “Say, maybe it’s time I took my not-so-amazing brain, and shared my not-so-astute thoughts on popular culture with an audience who actually appreciates them.” And he shoved back from the table, car keys in hand.

Mum stood, one hand on her hip and her foot tapping for at least 30 seconds after Dad had slammed the door shut. But then she threw the sponge on top of Kenny’s bowl and went storming after him.

“Daddy’s as shouty as Captain Sinker!” annoying-Kenny proclaimed into the resulting silence.

“But Captain Sinker’s English,” Emma said.

“Still shouty.”

Emma nodded silently. And then because the knot in her tummy hadn’t gone anywhere, she stood up and crept through the door and into the hallway where Mum and Dad were standing by the porch.

Dad had one arm round Mum’s waist, and his other hand was hidden in her curly hair. When they finally stopped kissing (snogging, Chloe would call it) he kept her close and looked into her eyes. “You’re such a pain in the ass,” he said.

“And you’re an idiot.”

“You gonna say it first today?” He had a little grin on his face. Mum rolled her eyes again but this time she was smiling too.

“Alright. I love you.”

Dad grinned properly and leaned in to kiss her again. They were kissing and smiling at the same time. Then he pulled away and opened the front door with a wink. “I love you too, boss. See ya later.”

Emma’s tummy seemed to feel better as she went back into the kitchen, leaving Mum stood looking dreamy in the porch. Chloe definitely talked poop, she decided. But then maybe Uncle Kenny did too. 

**Author's Note:**

> In case anyone missed the reference, Emma is the name of the girl who was trapped with Spike and died in the gas explosion at the music shop in Series 2.


End file.
